Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
