I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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