haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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