pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
