should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
