No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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