How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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