OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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