My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
