dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
