and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
