its not stalking. its research.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
