she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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