We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
