you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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