Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
