We need to rekindle our bromance
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
