so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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