here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
