he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
