after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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