Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
