He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
