note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
