Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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