I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize