He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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