I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
