last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Randomize
