I wish life had little blips of pornography
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize