I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
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batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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