I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
