So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
