yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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