So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
