Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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