Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Randomize