They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
