if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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