At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
