have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
