Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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