help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
