he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
