had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
