Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We are all done wearing pants today
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
