Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
