If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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