why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
