I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
