i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
