explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
