sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
