Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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