i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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