it wasn't lemon gatorade
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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