saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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