Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize