Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
