I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
