I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
