Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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