my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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