so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
