We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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