That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize