Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
