considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
