I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
