absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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