She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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