if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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