There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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