She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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