I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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