He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys donât want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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