My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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