Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
