You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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